2017 Resolutions vs Intentions

New Year Resolutions vs. Intentions. Plus an introduction to Travelling Sarong Pants.

Running on Chemo showing off sarong pants in Angkor Wat
Sarong Pants visiting Angkor Wat

It’s that time of the year again when blog posts about new year resolutions and planning to stick to them abound. One of my favourite blogs, Live Your Legend, whipped up the whole post about it together with a toolkit how to actually get on with sticking to the 2017 resolve once you had got yourself into the goal setting mode. I’m very much in two minds about the whole New Year resolutions business, but I am also in two minds about setting intention for each yoga class which says something about my commitment capabilities. And because whatever pops in my head when the intention/goal setting pressure mounts, turns out to be either super puny or grandiose, in between does not seem to exist.

So, how about some durable and rounded intentions that can help with the actual goal setting when the time comes? Here it goes:

May I Be Kind

– to myself and by extension to the world. It’s easy to fall into a trap of thinking that there is no aiming high without laser focus, extensive planning, self battering into getting things done and of course leaving no room for a failure. In reality, high achievements come from a place of self-belief, kindness, repeated failures and giving back to the world – even if it’s giving back to a very limited slice of the world. Being kind does not invalidate resilience, ambition, effectiveness and focus on action, if anything it enhances all these qualities that translate into aiming high and achieving just as high. I bet FTSE 100 CEOs would collectively agree.

May I Be Patient

– I have spent most of 2016 in a rush to jam a lot into my now potentially limited lifespan. A common side effect of cancer survivorship. Yet looking through a wider lense: none of us knows how long we have left so maybe embracing a cliche that all pieces will fall into place when ready, may be a way to go. According to Richard Branson “opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming” – that’s another post-it note that is going on to my headboard world map in 2017.

Buddha Face on the back gate to Ta Prohm Temple
Buddha Face reminder of an aim to eliminate constricting desires vel. hold-ups.

May I Be … Me

– I had spent 2014 seamlessly fitting into expectations of my then boyfriend, 2015 gave way to fitting into a cancer patient narrative, and even though there’s been a lot of kicking and screaming so that it would not define me, in the end I became Cancer Me. 2016 meant a complete reset on the scorched earth of my cancer treatment and failed relationship, and working on freeing myself from the hold-ups of my own design. The true Buddhist Nirvana is still far away and likely not what I would aim for anyway but Being Me, the 2017 True To My Guts Me, is already getting there as some serious inroads have already been laid down.

When I sat to write all these I thought I was on the way to conclude that in ‘resolutions vs. intentions’ competition any resolution would end up a sore looser. Yet in the process I did come up with a good, and a totally viable, one – I am taking my sarong pants to at least three new places in 2017. Not to make it too easy the pants adventures will be limited to the surroundings that fit the attire so Nepal for sure … more ideas to follow – I am told they would come in useful when joining a Meditation Retreat.

All in all for My Sarong Pants and The Project Me, I hereby declare that the best is yet to come!

 

LIFE AFTER CANCER: 8 THINGS I HAVE LEARNT SO FAR

Cancer Research Winter Run 2016 - Running on Chemo's first ever race
My First Ever 10k Race – Cancer Research Winter Run 2016

Life After Cancer Lessons – Part 1

Two things happened last weekend – Facebook decided to remind me that on 9 September last year I was having the very last chemo and my cancer coming out moment on social media… And with that anniversary in mind I went for a first post-broken toes run. For those new to the story– back in July I went running and took out the London black cab – yes, the story took some spin and it’s likely to evolve even further into a black cab bashing vigilante roaming busy London streets in no time 😀

It’s not quite the end of treatment anniversary yet because my chemo was followed by radiotherapy and that only finished in November 2015 but the reminder of the end of chemo celebrations at the Sky Garden in London, those were some awesome espresso martinis BTW, got me to take the stock of how far I have gone since then and what

I have learnt so far:

1.       How to let go – okay, I may still be working on that but it turns out cancer gives you a unique perspective on living in the NOW. Stepping into a cancer survivor shoes means realising that there is no coming back to your pre-cancer self and that the post-cancer now is all that matters so you may just as well make it as best as you can and dig in hard into the ultimate bucket list. No holding back and no regrets!

2.       How to feel alive – it comes as an ever so tiny shift, a by-product of the acceptance of post-cancer reality. Suddenly everything feels a little amplified and somehow worth it. Unfortunately that includes the dark side of human experience too, yet the good and the bad get to be a bit more real and altogether life starts feeling pretty good again.

3.       How to stop and do nothing – that would be an extension of letting go yet quite a separate skill altogether. In all honesty I did have to get run over by a car to finally stop, reflect and appreciate the ‘not doing’ mode of existence. It’s amazing how everything seems to fall into place once you stop attempting to control the outcomes and just let things be.

4.       Running is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything[1] – it also gives you much better tights, something that number 42 could never deliver.

5.       Writing brings clarity – there’s plenty of research on de-stressing effects of putting the pen to paper.  It worked a treat for me when the end of treatment drama started to unfold and nothing seemed to make sense anymore, and turned into a blogging project. Result, I say!

6.       How to enjoy small things – hair growing back, yes, it grows back everywhere in case you wondered; full days at work including the early starts; travel that is no longer just a distraction from the illness; getting tipsy on wine which was impossible on steroids (just to add insult to injury it’s pretty much impossible to get drunk while on chemo) and plenty more.

7.       How to be just good enough – all in all, getting through cancer, starting running and finally embarking on finding out the life’s purpose makes for a true good enough feeling.  Would I rather cure my perfectionism in any other way? Hell yeah! But in the spirit of letting go of the road not taken regrets, I declare the cure inadvertently delivered by my cancer as very much good enough too; and last but not least:

8.       How to embrace the freedom bug – a brush with own mortality can drive the fearless factor up a bit, hence the running into traffic mishap. Getting free from own inflated expectations and being true to the brand new self is hopefully a much less dangerous and potentially beneficial lesson. Having gone through the 8 months of cancer treatment it is really difficult to care anymore what would imaginary or even real people say to pretty much anything.

Now onto living the lessons which may be a bit of a hit and miss, as life tends to be – that may be the greatest post-cancer lesson of all times in my case, accept what life brings and make the best out of what lands on your plate!

 

 

[1] Douglas Adams – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

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